I have had several topics I have considered writing about this week, but could never just seem to stick to one subject, so I have decided to write about them all!
I have been reflecting on a lot of feelings. So many things have occurred the past few days, some relating to me and some not. I began the week feeling like I had lost some forward momentum, I wasn’t following my workout regimen as disciplined as I wanted to be, I was back to drinking to much Coke and ingesting too much sugar and gluten. I was disappointed in myself. I was struggling with self esteem and frustration with my ambition not matching my energy level, as well as things not going as I wanted. I was angry with my family, feeling they were disrespecting me by leaving messes for me to clean up. (Petty, I know, but my heart wasn’t right.)
Then we were invited by three different people to attend the Care Pregnancy Banquet. Brock and I had planned a trip to the gym and a dinner together at home. We were looking forward to some quiet together time. Somehow, I decided that God was leading me to that dinner for some reason and that my plans are not his plans. I am so thankful I went. I don’t really know what the purpose of my going was, but I am certain it will be revealed to me when I need to know, if I ever need to know. I had lived next to this wonderful place for a large portion of my life and never realized the extent of what they do. Let’s just say my personal stash took a hit when they asked for donations!
Enter next event, the shooting at the Kroger in Jeffersontown. Then the bombs being found at the Clinton’s and other affiliates of theirs. During this time, I also spent time reflecting my feelings towards others. I find this time mostly when I am either driving or riding in a vehicle. Also, I do a lot of reflecting during funerals. Sorry to all the ministers, but if I listen to every single funeral I would be so overwhelmed with sadness I could not do my job. I also attempt to spend time reading my devotional and I share devotions with a lady on my Facebook which leads to more reflection. I had so many thoughts of writing a post about the pregnancy center, then one about hate, then one about love, and about motivation, but I could never quite get it all to come together.
Friday, all day, I saw people I know accomplishing goals and supporting one another. On a team call with the CEO, she shared a wonderful gem. She said someone told her, “When your life is over and you stand before God, you will not be judged by what you have done with your life on Earth, but what you have done with your purpose for your life on Earth.” That tied everything together for me. As I was praying for my addiction to Coke (not cocaine!) and sugar in general, God said you can’t beat it, stop trying on your own and turn it over to me, because all things are possible with me.
This leads me to how my week ended, opposite of how it started, more focused on God’s will and not my will and just letting God’s plan work in my life. Let me tell you, his plans are much better than mine! I realized that what I need to strive for is more love! More love for my God, more love for others and more love for myself! When my heart is filled with love and I am in communication with God there is no room for judgement of others, no room for anger, and no room for self doubt! We went to the gym and worked out and I drank less Coke. I stopped feeling frustration when people did not cooperate with my (notice I said my) plan and realized that was because they were not a part of God’s plan.
As I sit here tonight summing up my reflections for this week, I am content and thankful, with a heart full of love. God tells me to rejoice and be glad in the day that he has made and also that I may plan my course, but He will determine my steps. I am thankful for new people, specifically Janice, Brandi and Brianna, that He has put in my life and I know He has plans for us, and I am excited for them to be revealed to us. I am thankful he has allowed Tracy, Mary G., Kyra and Mary S. to be apart of what is to come. I also realize as long as I strive to first seek God, and stay in communication with him, everything else will fall into place.